I'm not sure there's going to be a thread to this narrative, but that's ok. I'm not sure there was a narrative thread to that movie. So I'm not doing this directly on social media. And I reserve the right to edit, amend and add. Also, these are in no real order. But I will try to start off with the things I liked:

1. The jokes were fairly good.

2. The opening crawl happened.

3. Rose's line ... ~"We don't kill what we hate. We fight for what we love," was a great line and really stopped me in my tracks. It's a brilliant idea for a pew pew pew space cowboy movie series.

4. John Williams's score. It's great. 

5. If you're not aware, Mark Hamill has been voicing The Joker for several Batman projects, and it's amazing. I feel like his Luke Skywalker in this movie is at least one-third his Joker, and I love that.

6. That scene with Laura Dern lightspeeding through the dreadnaught was AMAZING.

Additions upon further reflection:

7. Adam Driver is doing a helluva job with Kylo Ben.

8. It's a really beautiful movie. The scenes on Crait are just gorgeous.

And now, my other thoughts. Which should get 85 percent of your attention:

1. The opening space battle sequence is just intelligence-insultingly stupid. One fucking guy in one fucking X-Wing takes out all the surface cannons on a Dreadnaught in one pass? Give me a fucking break. I've played a lot of Star Wars: Battle Front II. Those cannons don't just go up like kindling. NOR SHOULD THEY. 

2. You know ... there was a really good reason the bombers in the first 6 episodes were things like the Y-Wings and Hyenas. It's because "bombs" in Star Wars were really more proton torpedo like than actual armaments like we have in our world.

You know why that is?

Because there's no gravity in space. 

(That's bolded because it's pretty important.)

No matter how large the dreadnaught is. So. Hmm ... that's odd. Why are bombs (bombers and bomb switches) falling in this movie?

Edit: As Matt points out in the comments, there are a couple of precedents for bombs falling "down" in other Star Wars films. And he's obviously completely correct. But neither of those instances hammer home the point that they're using gravity. I still knock off points for what we see in The Last Jedi.

3. Really? We're too good to include the line "I've got a bad feeling about this?" It's been in every single Star Wars movie. Even Rogue One. If you're not going to do it, but you're cracking jokes everywhere, you've got to at least say, "I've got a good feeling about this," and wink at the camera.

4. I almost walked out of the theater when Princess Leia did her Mary Fucking Poppins in Deep Space bullshit. That was atrocious. Also, she should be super fucking dead after getting blown into deep space. Which leads me to:

(As has been pointed out, you don't automatically die immediately from exposure in Deep Space. But, I will say that we shouldn't all have to Google shit afterwards to see if it's possible. Also, we need more funding for science education so we all know how long you can survive in Deep Space.)

5. So now we don't get a good, proper chance to say goodbye to Princess Leia on screen? That's bullshit.

6. Why, exactly, didn't the First Order attack them with TIE fighters? Somehow, allegedly, it's too far out from the fleet for them to be supported. But didn't Vader survive the destruction of the first Death Star with just his TIE fighter? Also, since when has the First Order given a shit if they're sending TIE pilots off on a suicide mission? Go shoot up the fucking ship, assholes. Let's be smart here. You've got a chance to win the war forever.

7. I get that Poe got demoted for being an idiot jetjockey. OK. Cool. But why couldn't Laura Dern tell the crew about her plan? Why couldn't we have had some tense scenes about how everyone needs to pitch in and use less power and energy and we all pull together and try to get this Resistance to the abandoned base. Like Speed in space ... that sounds like a winning, tense Gravity-like movie that doesn't insult anyone's intelligence. Instead, it leads to:

8. That dumb fucking second act plotline with Finn and Rose. Now, first of all. I'm required to believe the First Order is so inept that they can't or won't track every craft that splinters off from the armada. OK, that would be dumb / grossly incompetent.

Secondly, have you ever tried to explain the plotline of a video game to someone? If you want to approximate that, try to explain the Rose-Finn plotline to your mom. It's one of those bad video game sidequests that just keeps dragging on and on. Like you set out to kill a bad guy in a game, and then you learn you have to do it with a missile, so you go find a missile. And then you learn that missile's guidance system is down, so you need to get a new one. Then you learn it needs more fuel, so you have to go get that. And so on and so on. And that's then when you finally kill the guy in the video game, you're like, "well, that took longer than it should have." But it's Gears of War 4 or something and you're not playing it for the plot. Because that plot is subpar. It turns out, that plot is even more subpar when it's in a Star Wars movie. A Star Wars movie that's about 30 minutes too long. Hmm ... I've got an idea ... Hmmm.

9. Couldn't we have pulled everyone off one of the other ships and lightspeeded it into the Dreadnaught?

10. Look. I've always rooted for the bad guys in Star Wars movies. Why? Because the very best Star Wars movie is Empire Strikes Back. We all agree on this. And it's the best because it shatters the rules by letting the bad guys win. Star Wars is totally villain driven, and you need that Second Act to make the Third Act even better. When the prequels were announced, I, as a guy that roots for the villains in the Star Wars movies, immediately knew Episode III was going to be the prequel movie for me. I knew this one would be the one where the bad guys "won" ... or at least made it interesting on the good guys. I was right. Other than the NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! scene, it's not a terrible movie. Certainly the most interesting of the three prequels.

When this trilogy was announced, I said, "OK, Episode VIII is going to be the best movie, because the bad guys have to win it to make the good guys' win in IX an even bigger deal." I got zero payoff out of VIII. The First Order certainly didn't win. The leadership is in shambles. Pasty and Whiny are about to tear each other apart. Unless Disney is going to let me have the bad guys win in the end, where was my payoff in this whole damned trilogy, Mouse?

11. I deserve to know who the hell Snoke is. I just do. And I should get that payoff without having to buy a book and read a few hundred pages to get it.

Now, all that said, will it make me stop playing Star Wars: Battle Front II? Of course not. I just got good at it.

Will I buy The Last Jedi on iTunes when it comes out? Sure.

Will I go see the standalone Han Solo movie in a few months? Of course I will.

Will I go see JJ Abram's Episode IX? For sure.

Will I go see all three of the next trilogy that Rian directs? Sure.

So, yes. I am part of the problem.


Let's keep discussion to the comments here, so no one gets spoiled unless they want to.